


Should I Go, Should I Stay?

by cassiem



Category: Block B
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiem/pseuds/cassiem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woo Jiho thinks Park Kyung looks best with black hair, and also naked in his bed. Kyung doesn't quite know what to think of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should I Go, Should I Stay?

Kyung, Kyung, Kyung. No matter where he goes, traces of his hyung are everywhere. In the dorm, Jiho finds a pair of Kyung’s pyjama pants under his bed. In his studio, Kyung has sneakily flipped the 2014 calendar to his own face – the one where he’s standing, staring down the camera, wearing that fugly sweater (the one that everyone laughed at when the noonas put him in). It’s Jiho’s favourite shot from that photoshoot, and Kyung knows it. 

Jiho is slumped on the lounge in his studio, the stupid calendar in his hands. _Kyung has always looked better with black hair,_ he thought. He stares at the photo, at Kyung looking directly at the camera, like Kyung always does… to everyone except Jiho. He’s always looking away, always naïve, always oblivious to the numerous ways Jiho has pictured them cuddling, or fucking, or holding hands, or kissing.

It’s been like this for as long as Jiho can remember; when they met in elementary school and immediately became close, he remembers wanting to kiss Kyung, and not knowing how that was wrong. It wasn’t until Jiho had suggested that they practice kissing on each other that he knew he had fucked up. The look on Kyung’s face said it all. Even when they were separated for high school and Jiho tried hiding his attraction in girls, Kyung never left his mind, not even for a moment. 

Jiho throws the calendar across the room. It hits the wall above his computer and slides down behind the desk, coming to rest cruelly with Kyung’s face looking at him amongst power cords. He rolls over and buries his face into a pillow. Even here, even in his safe space, he can’t escape him. 

Fucking Kyung.

 

//

 

It’s Sunday, Jiho remembers, as he rubs sleep from his eyes. That means he can sleep in – Sunday is the day of freedom for all of them. No promotions, no appearances, nothing. As he glances at the clock on the bedside table, he notes that already, at 7:30, Jaehyo and Jihoon are rattling around in the kitchen, making more noise than they are entitled to. He can’t hear exactly what they are saying, but he hears Jihoon’s low timbre and Jaehyo’s responding higher pitched laugh as the two joke about something. There was really no point in going back to sleep with those two carrying on, and Jiho felt just plain mean being the bossy leader this early in the morning. He swings his legs out of bed and runs a hand through his hair, which feels like shit – unsurprisingly, the amount of bleach he uses is taking its toll. It doesn’t help that his hair has naturally had a tendency to stick straight up in the morning, _without_ him torturing it with chemicals twice monthly. He suspects he looks like he’s stuck his finger in the electric socket and, when he pads over to the mirror above his dressing table, this is confirmed.

As he turns to open the door and join the other two in the kitchen, he remembers Kyung’s pyjama pants under his bed and fishes them out. _What are they even doing here?_ He thinks, staring at the blue and yellow striped pattern. Then he remembers.

 

//

 

They were both stupidly drunk, having downed a bottle of vodka between the two of them. It was a few months ago, when Jiho was still perfecting _Her_ , and to celebrate him completing the title track, they had all gone out. Well, Taeil had feigned illness and stayed at home (he was never a party animal) while the rest of them got blindly drunk and danced the night away in the VIP area of a bar. The six of them had stumbled home, clinging onto each other and being overly touchy. Yukwon and Minhyuk were holding hands, giggling into each other’s necks like schoolgirls to make the others laugh, while the rest looked on and howled at this bizarre depiction of aegyo love. 

While Jiho was laughing with the rest of them – mainly at Minhyuk’s ridiculous high-pitched voice and fluttering eyelashes – when he got into his room and sat down, he felt ashamed. That could easily have been _him_ his hyungs were laughing at. As he reached down to untie his shoes, the door burst open, and Kyung was standing there, already in his pyjamas (he loved those things. If their president hadn’t said no, Jiho was sure that Kyung would wear his pyjamas to every concert and appearance they did) but conspicuously shirtless.

Kyung giggled. “Jiho, you should see your face!” 

The words took a while to get through to Jiho as he straightened up and smiled crookedly. Instantly he was self-conscious, licking his lips and tugging a hand through his hair. “Kyung. What do you want?”

Inwardly, he cringed. That had come out harsher than he thought. He was _not_ going to turn down Kyung in nothing but pyjama pants standing in his doorway. 

Kyung grinned, showing all his teeth. “Jico-aah, I just wanted to come and say goodnight to my favourite leader.” As he said this, he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, swaying slightly as he did so.

Jiho was startled at this sudden movement. “I’m your only leader, idiot.” He retorted, eyes darting between Kyung and the door. “Now go to bed.” 

Kyung pouted, and Jiho felt his resolve melting. Kyung knew no one could resist him when he turned the grease up to eleven, Jiho included. “But Jico-aah, I want to sleep in here!”

Jiho snorted at this pathetic plea, while Kyung tried to keep a straight face, and failed. Jiho rolled back on the bed, his laughter bursting out of him and leaving him gasping for air. Every time he tried to sit up and stop laughing, he would catch Kyung’s eye and they would collapse in laughter again.

What were they even laughing at? Jiho couldn’t remember, but he knew that as their laughter subsided, Kyung was looking at him with a painfully intense look in his eyes, and Jiho didn’t know what it meant. The world swam as he tried to decipher the look in his hyung’s eyes. _Shit… I’m drunker than I thought._

Jiho broke the stare first, turning his attention back to his shoes and quickly slid them off. While not looking at Kyung, he found he could think clearer, could breathe properly. As he got up and dug around in his closet for a t-shirt, he asked, seriously, “Kyung, why are you really here?”

“I… I don’t know.” The answer came, softly.

Jiho inhaled sharply. _Just act drunk. Just… be Zico._ He turned around in the general direction of Kyung, the T-shirt stuck over his head, and flapped his arms, a demand of help.

He heard Kyung’s short, sharp laugh – the one he does when he is amused, but thinking of something else – and felt his hands on his skin as Kyung pulled the t-shirt down for him.

Jiho looks up, blinking against the sudden light, and the world falls away as he realizes how fucking close Kyung is.

His heart pounded and every beat spelled out Kyung’s name: _Park Kyung Park Kyung Park Kyung Park Kyung_. It was so loud Jiho swears Kyung must have heard it, heard his whole body humming with the closeness of his hyung. Without thinking, he folded his arms around the shorter man’s waist, and without breaking eye contact, pulled him closer until their bodies were flush to each other’s.

Jiho couldn’t remember when last he was this close to Kyung. Years, probably. He felt the warmth of the other man, felt his breath hot on his chin as Kyung looked up at him with wide-open eyes, pupils dilated. Jiho licked his lips and brought his head closer, his earlier confident drunk self long forgotten.

But the moment was broken when Jihoon stumbled past Jiho’s room and crashed heavily against the door. He shouted an apology as he wandered away, but Jiho jumped away like he’d been scalded.

Eyes to the ground, Jiho murmured, “I’m sorry." 

He expected a slap, or maybe to hear the door slamming. Skinship… sure, that sort of stuff was expected. They called it fan service. The members all loved touching each other and driving the fangirls wild. But that was Zico, confident leader who had something to say about everything, and this was Jiho. That was Park Kyung, the greasy cucumber who hit on all the noonas, and this was Kyung. The members didn’t like skinship in their private lives. They barely ever hugged when the cameras weren’t on them.

Instead, Jiho felt a hand on his chin as Kyung lifted his head, the same unreadable intense expression on his face. He seemed to be debating for words, before finally spitting them out. “Just let me stay the night, okay?”

Jiho nodded, forcing his chin from the other man’s hand. He turned away and crawled into bed, facing the wall. He felt Kyung crawl in after him and with a snap the light was turned off and the room was plunged into darkness.

For five minutes they lay there, not touching, silent. Then Jiho, gathering up his courage, scooted backwards, until he was being spooned by Kyung. Kyung’s arms wrapped around him and held him so tight he felt like he was going to die of happiness.

And that was how Jiho had spent the night: in Kyung’s arms and with the world’s biggest hard on.

 

//

 

Jiho rubbed the soft fabric between his thumb and forefinger. How had the pyjama pants got in here, though? Although he had been drunk, Jiho remembered every moment of that night clearer than yesterday, and he certainly did not remember Kyung taking his pants off at any point. In fact, when Jiho had woken up the next day, his bed was conspicuously absent and he assumed no one was the wiser that they’d spent the night together.

Not that it mattered. They’d shared beds before. But never had Kyung asked, and never had he seemed quite so vulnerable, so hesitant.

Jiho shook his head and stood up, crumpling the stupid pyjama pants in one hand as he left his room and went into the kitchen. On the way, he ducked into the laundry and put the pants in the dirty washing basket.

 _There_ , he thought. _Everything is as it should be._

 

//

 

Several days later, Jiho was lounging on the living room floor watching TV with Taeil, Jihoon, Minhyuk and Yookwon. Kyung and Jaehyo had gone grocery shopping for the dorm, having lost the intense kai-bai-bo game to decide the two hyungs who would make the trip. As soon as they had left, Taeil had leapt onto the lounge, and by the time Jiho had come back from the bathroom, the other three members were sitting next to him… with no room for Jiho. Jihoon, being the good maknae, offered to swap spots and lie on the floor, but Jiho said he would be more comfortable down there, and made a dig about his hyungs smelling bad that got a pillow thrown at his head from Yookwon.

They weren’t even watching anything particularly interesting; Minhyuk and Yookwon were squabbling over the remote (Minhyuk wanted to watch the latest sob story drama, while Yookwon preferred variety shows) and, hilariously enough, Taeil had fallen asleep on Jihoon’s shoulder, lollipop stuck in his mouth. Jiho looked up at his members and, not for the first time, felt grateful that he had such a close group of friends he could call brothers.

Jiho looked back at the TV screen. Right now, it was on a soccer match, as Yookwon and Minhyuk were arguing about which drama was better. He cracked his neck and stood up; only Jihoon watched him retreat to his room.

Jiho flopped onto the bed. He was just _tired_. Ever since Her came out, there was the usual myriad of appearances, concerts, performances, shows, and ads to film and do; they had missed out on doing this for Jackpot and so were now promoting that too. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door. He sat up and called the knocker to come in.

It was Jihoon who poked his head around the door. Jiho wasn’t surprised; the maknae had been paying quite close attention to him lately and, being the two closest in age, they frequently talked and confided in each other.

“Come in, dongsaeng.” Jiho said with a smirk.

Jihoon shut the door behind him and catapulted his huge frame onto the bed, smacking Jiho hard on the leg in the process. “Hyung, you know I hate it when you call me that,” he whined.

“Yeah, but I so rarely do get a chance to. Anyway, what’s wrong?” Jiho asked.

Jihoon looked down at the blanket and began to pick at a stray thread. “Nothing.” He mumbled. 

Jiho smacked Jihoon on the back of the head. “You are so full of shit. Spit it out!”

Jihoon looked up and, to Jiho’s surprise, there was concern in his eyes. “Jiho-leader, I know you haven’t been your best lately. I’m worried about you. We’re all worried about you.”

Jiho’s immediate instinct was to shut this conversation down. As the leader, it was his job to worry about his members, not the other way around. If he was letting the stress get to him this badly, he really needed to cover it up better. 

But looking into his friend’s trusting eyes, he wavered. It wasn’t healthy for someone to keep all this inside… was it?

Jiho took a deep breath and opened his mouth to tell Jihoon the truth.

 

//

 

When Kyung returned home, carrying ridiculous amounts of ramen and junk food, Jiho didn’t even come out of his room. He knew he should, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t face Kyung.

He rolls over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He had to deal with this, in one way or another. He could not keep fantasizing about one of his _members_ for god’s sake. His whole career was on the line, here; he couldn’t be gay. He just wasn’t allowed.

He swallowed. What was it about Kyung? Those eyes that he could lose himself in. The caring touches that Kyung used to give him.

Without thinking, he begins to fantasize about Kyung kissing him, hard and fast and heavy. He closes his eyes and imagines his fingers wrapping themselves through Kyung’s bleach-blonde hair, Kyung trailing kisses down his chest until he reaches Jiho’s cock, Kyung, hoarse, begging for more, crying out Jiho’s name. He barely even realizes he’s jerking himself off when he lets out a muffled moan that he quickly covers up by biting his arm. He hears Kyung’s voice on the other side of the room and sighs.

Kyung, those dark eyes full of lust, lust for only him. Kyung throwing Jiho down onto the bed and fucking him so hard and fast they come at the same time, Kyung heavy and hot on top of him, Kyung, Kyung, Kyung, Kyung.

He whimpers the name into his arm as he comes, spilling his load all over his chest. He doesn’t move for a long time, his teeth still pressing into his arm, cum sticky on his chest as his mind fills with blonde and a certain ear-to-ear grin.

 

//

 

It’s weeks later, and they’re all eating dinner together. Jiho insists on this, says it’s bonding time for the members. They all pretend to hate it, but secretly he knows they like sitting together as a family. Tonight, they are slurping up ramen, talking about the album when Jiho feels a hand on his leg. He accidentally inhales a bit of ramen noodle and begins coughing. All eyes turn to him, concerned. He smiles awkwardly. “I’m fine!”

He doesn’t know if they buy it. His voice is shaking. He looks down at the chopsticks -  so are his hands. But none of them seem to notice and as they resume their conversations, he slowly turns to Kyung next to him.

Kyung has his chopsticks in his right hand and is in the middle of slurping up a big mouthful of ramen, but sees Jiho turn out of the corner of his eye and winks.

Jiho nearly faints dead into his ramen. 

Dinner continues as normal to the other hyungs, but the whole time Jiho is grinning like a mad man. A couple of times he has reached down and felt Kyung’s hand on his leg, just to make sure it was real. _It was._

//

 

For once, Jiho is completely absorbed in something _other_ than Kyung. He is sitting on his bed, cross-legged, headphones in, jotting down lyrics to a melody he just thought up. Music is his real only escape and, thankfully, it is always there for him.

The door opens and he pulls out a headphone, expecting it to be Taeil or Jihoon asking for his help with cleaning up the ramen (he really is a bad leader) but instead it’s Kyung standing there in his jeans and shirt and socks and looking so endearing Jiho forgets how to breathe.

They don’t speak, just look at each other as Kyung sidles into the room, shutting the door behind him. He has a fierce, determined look in his eyes as he stalks over to the bed and closes the laptop.

Jiho is speechless as Kyung calmly picks up the laptop and puts it on the desk, gently pulling the headphones of Jiho’s ears as he does so. Kyung sits down on the bed and takes a deep breath.

Jiho can hear his heart beating in his ears.

Kyung looks from his fingers, to Jiho, to his fingers, and finally seems to steel himself and sits up straight. “Jiho, you have no idea how long I have waited to do this.”

And without warning, he hoists himself up, crawls over to Jiho and kisses him.

The one-second of shock is all the delayed reaction Jiho has; he grabs the back of Kyung’s head and pulls him in deeper as they open their mouths and Kyung’s tongue touches his. His hair feels as shit as Jiho expects, but his mouth is as soft as inviting as it looks. Jiho gasps into Kyung’s mouth as Kyung cradles his face in both hands.

As abruptly as it started, Kyung pulls away, chest heaving and eyes hungry. Jiho looks at him, really looks, and says in a low, intense voice, “I need you.”

That is all the invitation Kyung needs as he throws himself at Jiho again. Kyung moans into him and he nearly damn melts right then and there. Kyung’s hands are everywhere, roaming up and down his body as Jiho thrusts his hips upwards, silently begging Kyung to touch him in the most important spot, but Kyung pulls away and chuckles throatily in Jiho’s ear.

“Hyung.” Jiho moans, and Kyung chuckles again, this time feeling Jiho’s cock through his jeans. Jiho gasps and writhes. “Hyung, please.”

Kyung wastes no time undoing Jiho’s fly and when Kyung touches him _there_ he nearly comes right away. Kyung’s strokes are soft and as he rubs a thumb over the top of his head, Jiho arches his back and moans, long and loud, before being interrupted by Kyung’s kiss.

“Jiho… I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long.” Kyung whispers in his ear, and that is all it takes, and Jiho is sent over the edge. His legs tremble as he cums everywhere, and it takes every fiber in his being not to scream out Kyung’s name.

Jiho opens his eyes to see Kyung licking his cum up from his chest and nearly comes again from the sight. Kyung is looking at him through heavy, half-lidded eyes full of lust and desire, and Jiho just sighs “Hyung,” as he pulls Kyung up by the hair.

“Hyung, I’m going to make you cum so hard.” Jiho murmurs, and he feels Kyung shudder. Jiho grabs Kyung by the ass and flips him over, so he is on top. He smirks as Kyung sits up and rips off his shirt, feels his hands in his hair guiding him to his jeans which Jiho fumbles with.

“Oh, God, Jiho, please.” Kyung grunts and Jiho smiles as he finally pulls the jeans off Kyung and rips off his boxers. He takes Kyung’s cock in his hands and kisses the tip and feels Kyung writhe.

“Now… Should I let you suffer?” Jiho whispers, in between trailing his tongue up and down Kyung’s shaft, “or should I just let you cum right away?" 

Kyung lifts his head and glares down at Jiho. “Jiho, please.”

That’s all Jiho needs, and he closes his mouth around Kyung’s head. Kyung grunts and jolts and forces Jiho’s head down to the base as he cums into Jiho’s mouth. Jiho lets his eyes roll back in his head as he gags and swallows Kyung’s load.

It is over much too fast, and Jiho crawls up next too Kyung and collapses, eyes closed, chest rising up and down at the speed of light. His confidence has drained away with his lust, and he doesn’t know if what just happened just actually happened. 

But when he opens his eyes and sees Kyung’s smile, feels his hyung’s hand in his hair (caressing this time), he knows it did happen.

“What… What was that?” He asks quietly.

Kyung smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I… I’ve wanted you since we were kids, Jiho. You were just too stupid to realize it. And I guess I wasn’t going about showing it the right way.”

Jiho rolls his eyes at the stupid comment, but strokes Kyung’s cheek. “I’ve wanted you for that long too.”

Kyung smiles. “I know. I was… I was scared. I didn’t know that wanting you and loving you was okay; I thought it was wrong. It wasn’t until Jihoon told me that you were so desperately wanting me that I realized how stupid I had been.”

“Jihoon? Seriously?” Jiho scoots up to lean on his elbow. “That little shit…”

Kyung grins his face-splitting grin and Jiho feels so happy he could cry. Or die. Or both. “Jiho, shut up.”

Jiho swatted him. This was the Kyung he had missed, the Kyung that had drifted away from him these past years. And now he had him back.

As he leaned down and closed the space between them with a kiss and a whispered, “I love you too,” he knew, he _finally_ knew that everything, at last, was as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I spent ages reading GTOP fanfiction before browsing the Block B fanfiction tag, of which there are pitifully few stories. This is my attempt to change it, also Zico and Kyung are pretty cute. Don't tell Kyung I said that, tho, the greaseball.
> 
> I know it's really terrible, but it's not anything serious, just some drabble and stuff and yeah no crit cause I know how much it sucks. Try and enjoy~
> 
> edit 31/05/16: hoooo boy this is the fic that got me started in block b. looking back at it it's pretty awful. I kinda admire it, though, as you would an ugly child; this is what started it all! _started from the bottom plays in the background..._


End file.
